Mancante
by ohsnapitzlena
Summary: Not much to say here because I'd like to keep it a secret but, Hannah returns after 3 months on tour for Hello, Harto! and finds out that she has to leave for the second leg in a week and wont return for 5 months. What happens to her friendships?
1. Chapter 1

Hi everyone! Whoo, haven't posted a fic in a little bit! This one's actually my first multi-chapter fic in a long time. I sincerely hope you guys like it. Ahhhhh enjoy!

(A/N: I'm done posting all my old fics now, although this was originally posted to my tumblr on April 2, 2014. This next chapter I'll be uploading will mark the start of my regular uploading of this fic!)

Mancante; Chapter One; 1,735 words.

* * *

_"Shh… Can you hear that?"_

_She shakes her head._

_"The wind is telling us secrets."_

* * *

Hannah Hart had been gone for twelve weeks, brought upon by the return of Hello, Harto. She was all over the United States, Canada and most of Europe. It was grueling. Even moreso for a certain brunette and redhead.

Mamrie Hart missed her. Of course she missed her, they're best friends. But Grace Helbig hurt more. It took her too long to realize how she felt for Hannah. Two months. She fought herself for weeks until the night Hannah told them.

"It's only three months." She said.

Only three months.

Those three months turned out to be the longest of Grace's life. She spent the entire time thinking of Hannah, and on the off-chance she wasn't, she was trying to find a way to tell her that she was.

Hannah called every morning. Her sleepy "Hello"s gave Grace the strength to get through every day.

They saw each other almost every night via skype. Hannah resumed uploading Kitchens and Hello, Harto's, but it wasn't enough. Cameras did her sparkling blue eyes no justice. Phones, no matter how hard they tried, could not make Hannah's sweet voice sound the way it had when she whispered in Grace's ear. Nothing could be a better Hannah than Hannah herself, and Grace needed her close… now.

The same rang true for the other girls. Grace kept up her routine of daily uploading of content and Hannah never missed a single one. She needed the constant reassurance from Grace's chocolate eyes, although it wasn't the same as looking into them in person. She felt the physical ache for her in her bones.

Sometimes they made extra content for each other. Most of the time, it was only the two who could see them, and it was almost always that the content was directly for each other. Hannah would make personalized My Drunk Kitchens or read Grace an excerpt from a book or a poem she read that day; the latter making Grace's heart flutter more and more with every passing word. She felt the sincerity in the words Hannah was reading, and the sounds of each word floating off her tongue slowly confirmed the way Grace felt about the blonde.

Grace would tell Hannah dumb jokes she'd thought of or showed her the monologues she was practicing for an audition that day. She trusted Hannah to tell her the truth about the content. She knew Hannah would genuinely laugh at or help her improve her jokes or pick apart her monologue, telling her what was not only good but bad about it. It made Hannah feel closer to Grace- knowing she was trusted with something as big as Grace's career, but also with Grace's self-esteem. Normal friends would feel the burden when another friend needed their advice as often, but Hannah loved it. She loved knowing that what she was saying really made a difference to Grace. They made each other feel good.

Sometimes, both of them just talked. About their day, some new restaurant they liked. It didn't really matter to them, so long as they got to see each other's smiling face.

But tonight, Hannah was coming home.

* * *

While Hannah was away, Grace and Mamrie became a lot closer. They were already close, of course, but there was a lot they didn't realize they missed.

One night during a Homebuddies, a twitter question rolled in about the GracenMichelle stage shows. Grace Hadn't remembered much about them, and the movie they'd chosen was horrible, so they turned it off and watched the shows; the first time for Mamrie.

Watching the shows brought back that feeling of being onstage and, well, doing shows. They found a small local theater and started a new sketch group. It was a sweet escape from the pain of missing Hannah.

They even started a new channel together. They made GracenMichelle-esque content that the viewers loved. They kept a space open for Hannah when she got back from her trip, as per Grace's request, but she never got the chance to accept.

She couldn't take not having Hannah around. It sucked. Three months without the love of her life was so painful. It felt like she was losing her, and maybe she was.

"Grace?" Mamrie called from the other room.

"Yeah!"

"Are you going to get Hannah or is she getting an Uber?"

"She didn't ask me to get her."

"So she's in an Uber." Mamrie said, now closer.

Grace shrugged her shoulders.

"When does her flight land?"

"Ten-thirty."

"Cool beans." Mamrie said. She turned to walk out of the room, but stopped and looked at Grace. "I was gonna-"

"Amanda Bynes's I'm Doing Just Byne." Grace knew exactly what she was going to ask.

"Comin' right up." The redhead replied, a small smile on her face, and left the room.

Grace spent the remainder of the hours before Hannah returned writing what she would say.

* * *

DC was pretty; Hannah liked it. But Grace was prettier and Hannah liked her more.

She was eager to get home. She missed everything so much. She missed Grace. She missed Mamrie, Swike, Tyler even Goose and Beanz. She missed her bed.

Hannah sat down in her seat on the plane and managed to keep her eyes open long enough to hear the safety procedures, but as soon as the flight attendants left, she fell asleep.

It wasn't a bad rest; there was a lot of turbulence, a few babies crying and a bag fell and broke a guy's wrist. She remembered waking up briefly to hear that. The plane landed funny too. The landing gear wouldn't deploy and the pilot was forced to fly in circles until it finally did. It tacked on an extra 15 minutes to the initial landing time but Hannah didn't care. She was tired and just wanted to get back to Grace.

As Hannah walked up to her Uber, accompanied by her driver, her phone rand.

"Thanks, Jason." Hannah said while the driver put her bags in the trunk.

She sat herself down in the car and answered her phone.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Han, it's Swike."

Hannah buckled her seatbelt. "Oh, hey dude!"

"So, good news!"

"Please tell me it involves a grilled cheese with melted butter." Hannah whined; she didn't get to eat on the flight.

"Butter? I barely know 'er!"

"Shh that's my joke."

Swike laughed. "I'll get you your grilled cheese."

"So, what's the good news?" Hannah yawned.

"I just booked more Hello, Harto!"

Hannah tried to sound as excited as she was tired. "Oh, no way!"

"Yeah, with more dates and dates in parts of Asia and Australia!"

Now, she was really excited. Asia?! She could finally bust out some Japanese!

"Dude, that's amazing! When do we start?!"

"The 16th!"

Hannah's tone dropped drastically.

"Sarah, that's next Friday."

"Yeah it is!"

"Swike, I'm not even home from this Hello, Harto!"

"I'm sorry, dude."

"I'm exhausted."

Swike knew she was, but this was her career. She had to keep going. "You have a week to rest!"

Hannah sighed. "How long?"

She felt her whole body go cold as Sarah spoke the words into the line.

"Sarah!"

"I'm sorry! You need it for the extra dates and travel time!"

"How can I leave Grace for that long?!"

"Han, this is your job. She understands that."

Neither girl spoke.

"It's for your fans." Swike said after a long silence.

"Okay." Hannah sighed. She couldn't believe this was happening again.

Some days Hannah loved her job and some days she wished she got paid to sleep.

* * *

"Hello?"

Grace's heart leapt.

"Gracie? Mames?" Hannah called. "You guys asleep?"

Grace ran from her room and stopped short.

"Hi…" she whispered.

There was nothing. But in that nothing was everything. Their eyes said everything their mouths couldn't. Grace's screamed, "I love you," while Hannah's said, "I'm sorry."

Grace stepped forward, going for a hug, but all of her wished she could kiss her instead. A voice stopped her motion.

"Did I hear a Hannah?"

"Hey Mames!"

"Hey, pretty lady!"

Mamrie grabbed her in a hug, then released and the girls walked to Mamrie's couch.

"Sooo!" Mamrie started. "How was touring?"

"Same as always. Majorly exhausting but it, uh, it was totally worth it."

Grace just smiled.

"I missed you guys so much!" Hannah turned her head to Grace and gave a wink. She whispered so she knew Mamrie couldn't hear. "You especially."

Grace could feel her heart jumping. It wasn't like anything she'd ever felt before.

"So, we've got a show next week! You're coming, right?" Grace asked.

"Of course! What day?"

"Ah, the 17th?" Grace said uncertainly.

Mamrie nodded her head, and instantly Hannah felt awful. She knew she had to tell them, she just wished she could pack them up and take them too.

"Han?" Grace asked.

She loved when Grace called her that.

"I can't go, I'm sorry."

"Why?" Mamrie laughed. "You don't have plans."

Grace felt her heart sink. She'd been waiting for Hannah to see her perform for months.

"Maybe I have a date!"

"Oh, psht, okay." Grace joked, trying to hide the obvious pain.

"Did she really have a date?" Grace's mind ran wild.

"C'mon, why not?" Mamrie asked.

"I just can't." Hannah couldn't keep eye-contact.

"Han, look at me." Grace said.

Her puppy dog eyes were Hannah's weakness, and she knew it too.

"What aren't you telling us?"

"I leave for the next leg of Hello, Harto next Friday."

Grace's heart bounced off her feet.

"What?" She asked softly.

The look in Grace's eyes cut through her like a saw. She hated hurting Grace, even if it was out of her control. She wrapped her arms around the brunette. It was the least she could do to make her feel okay.

"For how long?" There was real concern in Mamrie's voice. "Shorter, right? I mean, you've already been everywhere."

"Swike booked dates in Australia and Asia."

"So that's less places to go to-"

"We're revisiting everywhere plus those places."

"How long."

"Five months."

Hannah was leaving for five months.

And Mamrie was angry.

And Grace was just a broken shell.


	2. Chapter 2

"_Will you hold my hand? I'm scared."_

_She promised she would never let go._

* * *

"Five months."

Grace's whole body shook. _She was kidding! She had to be kidding!_ What remained of Grace's heart ached. She knew Hannah wasn't joking. She just didn't want to have to believe her. All of her just wanted to believe this was some dumb prank, but Hannah's lip- quivering almost unnoticeably- proved her otherwise.

"Grace. Smells, say something."

Grace's brain raced, thoughts upon thoughts collected inside her head. She tried to speak, but her mind could not catch up to her voice and nothing came out.

"What the fuck, Han?" Mamrie said.

Hannah turned to her. "Mames-"

"Don't 'Mames' me right now. Why didn't you tell us?"

"I just found out in the car ride over here."

"God, Hannah! Why didn't you do anything?"

"What did you want me to do? Say 'no'? This is my job, Mamrie!"

"You should've known better than to accept. Hannah, this is eight months away total! That's more than half a year!"

"I get that. I really do, but-"

"Do you? It's time you start sticking up for yourself, Hart." Mamrie stared coldly into Hannah's eyes.

It made her feel like the blue of her eyes was much colder than they already were.

"Say something!"

She couldn't. She didn't know what to say.

"You know what, I'm not dealing with this now." The sound of a door slamming shut followed Mamrie's unusually harsh voice.

Hannah turned to Grace, whose lip was instead the one quivering. It was a small action, but Hannah could see it. She had been able to notice everything about the brunette in front of her since as long as she could remember. She was too afraid if she wasn't able to, she would miss something important.

"Grace." Hannah said softly.

She reached to hold Grace's hand, but the taller girl had pulled away.

"I'm sorry. It's my job. I-I have to."

Grace didn't say anything. She just kept looking forward.

"You know.. I'm going to miss you." Hannah tried.

Again, Grace didn't stir.

"We've been apart before-"

"You can't keep doing this to me, Hannah." Grace spoke up.

"I know. I'm-"

"No." She started calmly. "No you don't."

"Grace, I-"

The brunette cut her off again. Hannah was getting tired of not being able to explain herself, especially to the one person who deserved it most.

"You can't just make me think all these things about you and then pick up and leave again!" Grace was yelling now.

"Grace-"

"I'm tired of it!" she yelled.

That was it. Hannah was tired too. But this time, she was waking up and taking a stand.

"Stop! Stop it, Grace! Let me finish a damn sentence!"

Grace's hard features softened. She hated being yelled at and Hannah knew that. It was a security issue.

"I'm sorry." Hannah said softly.

"No, I'm sorry."

There was silence for a while, both girls trying to take in the situation. After a minute, Grace spoke. Her tone was hushed- broken, more so.

"You can't keep stealing my heart if all you're going to do is break it."

It was Hannah's turn to feel the ache. Everything crashed down around her at once. She could've handled going on tour with Sarah again. She could've handled Mamrie being angry and upset with her. But breaking Grace's heart was an action she'd never thought she could've done.

Grace liked to refer to herself as a robot; no heart, no feels, the whole lot. She knew opening up and letting herself feel the way she felt about Hannah would end up badly. She just didn't expect it to have happened so quickly.

But even though Grace was a "robot", Hannah couldn't ever hurt her, and hated every single person who had done so in the past. She never expected to be the one to hurt her the most.

There she was: standing in a room with the one person who mattered most to her. She felt the burden of everything weigh on her shoulders. Mamrie was upset and angry. Grace was hurt. She was exhausted and had more tour coming up. Her best friends were against her and she was at fault. To Hannah, it was her fault she had to leave. It was her fault her friends were gone. It was her fault she broke the heart of the one she loved the most. And now, because of that fact, she was sure her fans would be angry with her too.

So, taking one last, detailed look at Grace, she memorized everything about her: her eye color and how one orb was slightly darker than other, the way her hair curled like the fries she'd loved so much, the sharp edge of her jaw but the smooth round of her chin, the way her bottom lip curled under and was bitten by her top layer of perfectly white teeth when she was upset, and how she stood like she had something to prove. But she didn't. Not to Hannah.

Guilt took over and Hannah did the only thing she could think to do. Hide.

She stood up quickly, drawing Grace's fixed attention from a spot on the wall to Hannah's now dull blue eyes. The blonde knew looking back at her would only make this harder, and instead turned her back and walked to Mamrie's front door. She grabbed the soft strap of her black duffel bag- her name sewn onto the side in blue- and lifted the bag to her shoulder. She moved closer to the door itself and, using one hand, grabbed the handle. She turned her body to face the brunette on the couch, and mustered up everything in her to keep her tiny bit of composure left intact. Her eyes burned, knowing if she cried, she would never be able to leave. She twisted the handle and pulled the door open, revealing the cloudless, star-filled night.

"I'm sorry." Her voice broke. "I love you."

Grace closed her eyes and heard the front door close. A single tear escaped her closed eye. She let it run, just like she had Hannah.

If she had only said something.


	3. Chapter 3

_The clouds were out._

_How could I not have known it was foreshadowing?_

…..

The sound of Grace's subtle crying pulled Mamrie from her room.

"Where is she?"

"She ran."

"What do you mean, 'ran'?"

"I mean she got up," she said and stood up to emphasize her point. "grabbed her duffel and left."

Mamrie could see Grace shaking.

"But.. why? Did you say something?"

"I- I don't know. But I know that missing her hurts a lot more than anything I've ever felt.

Mamrie knew Grace couldn't take this.

"I feel like this is my fault." Grace said. "She could be hurt and I didn't do anything to stop her."

"She probably just went home."

"She didn't drive here. She's walking home. It's rainy and dark and she's a woman walking alone. She'll never make it home."

Mamrie just shrugged.

"I should've followed her and took her home."

"Grace-"

"We have to go find her." Grace interrupted.

"Grace, we can't. We go out there, there's a good chance our car could flip off the road or get hit by another driver. We'd be in more danger than she is walking."

"No, but Mamrie, she could catch pneumonia or something." Grace said, endlessly rambling as she went for her jacket.

Mamrie caught her and positioned her so she was looking directly into her eyes, which promptly shushed Grace's rambles. "We have to be practical. We can go look for her in the morning."

Grace nodded slowly, and Mamrie let go of Grace's arms.

"Go get some sleep."

Grace didn't sleep. She stared at the ceiling of Mamrie's guest bedroom, hoping Hannah got home. She knew it felt off.

…..

Hannah ran the entire way home. The rain pelted her face and bare arms. It left her hair sopping wet. But the cold water didn't sting nearly as much as knowing she hurt the one person she cared about most.

When she arrived home, she ran straight into her apartment. She wasn't staying long, but there were two things she needed to do.

She'd had this video saved for awhile. It was precautionary, and she'd hoped she would never need it, but there it was. Edited and everything. All it needed was to be uploaded. She pulled up YouTube and placed the file, leaving her computer to upload.

Throwing her hair to the side, she stood and made her way to her bedroom. In her closet was the only other thing she'd needed to take. Grace's onesie. She drunkenly left it there one night after a Winestream. It smelled of Grace's perfume, and felt like the warm embrace of the taller girl whenever she wore it. It reminded her of every show, every video, every hug- real or staged. Maybe it was dumb to take it, but she did anyway. She threw it in her duffel, walked as steadily as she could to her computer and pulled up one last thing. It was a picture Grace had taken of them the night they met- _really _met. Hannah was sure only she and Grace knew it existed. Then, throwing her bag over her shoulder, she walked out her front door.

Her white car stared at her as she walked closer. She threw the duffel in the backseat, got in the front and drove. She didn't stop until she was good and gone, at least fifty miles beyond anything she'd ever known before she even stopped for a gas break.

At around four in the morning she pulled up to the childhood house she grew up in. She knew she wouldn't stay long, and she didn't, but she had to see it. There was a new family in that house, making new memories that Hannah could only hope were better than the ones she made in there.

The streetlight above her car began to flicker- a loose wire or something- and Hannah took that as her sign to go, the memories of that home leaving with the brightness of the light.

Again, she drove.

This time, a shorter distance. When she was younger, she used to walk, just to get out of the house. She would usually bring Maggie, but she was too young to remember the trail like Hannah did.

Once, while walking, Hannah and Maggie stumbled upon what Mags considered a playhouse, while Hannah considered it her safe place. Someone had built up- and, by the looks of it, abandoned- a small treehouse. It was secluded in the woods and far enough away from the house that she could escape.

She knew, after spending most of her life there, the exact way to reach the fort without being noticed, so she ditched her car in a nearby park, grabbed her bags and wandered to her new home.

…..

Grace dragged her body out of the warm embrace of blankets and out into Mamrie's kitchen, where the red-head was already standing, coffee in hand and another on the counter behind her.

"Did you sleep?"

"She was all I could think about."

"Me too."

"She was upset, careless and it was pouring. I couldn't sleep until I knew she was safe."

Mamrie stared at her blankly. Grace tried to read her face, but there was nothing. Finally, the red-head broke her gaze, grabbed her keys and slipped into a part of flips.

"C'mon." she said, and Grace wasted no time following, grabbing her coffee off the counter and putting her own flip-flops on and slamming the front door behind her.

The duo hopped in Mamrie's car and sped to Hannah's. Grace's heart was in her throat. Hannah's car was gone, to which Mamrie rationalized as being in the shop. But Hannah was gone and Grace could feel it.

"Let's just check the apartment"

Grace followed Mamrie up the stairs to the apartment, desperate for any sign of Hannah. As they reached the door, Mamrie's phone 'ding'ed. She checked it slowly, trying not to let Grace in on how much she was worried it wasn't Hannah.

"See" she said, handing her phone to Grace. "She just uploaded a video, she has to be home."

Grace handed Mamrie the cell back and pushed around her into their smaller friend's apartment. Mamrie was right behind her.

"Look, her computer's on. She had to have gotten home. She probably just went to the store." Mamrie tried, but she could see her attempts were not helping the brunette calm down.

"Han?" Grace called.

"Grace, she's probably out."

Grace's eye caught Hannah's computer screen, registering what Mamrie had said. The screensaver was up- something Hannah would never do. She was very private about her iMac; She would never leave with it on.

The taller girl moved to it and jiggled the mouse. Her breath caught in her throat as the picture popped up. It was her and Hannah, lying on the grass together. She almost didn't remember that picture existed.

"She was looking at it.."

"What is it?" Mamrie asked.

Grace turned her head to her. "I took this the night we met."

"I thought you met at a dinner with Michelle."

"We snuck off there after Improv. It was that little park you and I used to jog in."'

Grace clicked off the picture and the upload screen from YouTube appeared. She clicked the given video link and Mamrie pulled up a chair.

"Hi gyus." the virtual Hannah sighs. "The day has come. It is July, 2012. If you're watching this, then I am gone. I've finally cracked and I am gone. Not dead, I promise. I couldn't have uploaded this if I were dead, right?" She smiles.

Grace's chest fell, releasing the breath she had been holding the entire time. At least Hannah was alive. That's all that really mattered.

"But I _am _gone, which means I finally broke under all the pressure. And there's really only one thing that could break me to the point of leaving you. There might be other factors, sure, but only one thing could break everything I am. And that was breaking the woman who was my everything. I made a promise to myself that if I ever hurt her, I didn't deserve anything. She was my light, my soul, my everything. And I ruined that. But I love you, and nothing can change that. ever."

Hannah paused and looked down, trying to regain her composure.

"Sarah," she starts, and every fiber of Grace shatters.

She didn't even know she was _with _Sarah, let alone hurt her. This was why she didn't want Hannah to go back to Hello, Harto. Spending every day together, of course she got with Swike. Grace missed seeing her everyday, yes, but… she was in love. Sarah.. Sarah wouldn't love her the way Grace would, and every one around them knew that. Except, maybe, Hannah. It hurt Grace to know that Hannah cared so little about her, she could leave her cold and alone, heartbroken, and not even say goodbye.

"Turn it off." Grace said, standing up and moving towards the couch.

Mamrie shushed her. "Trust her."

Grace picked up one of Hannah's pillows and wearily returned to the chair.

"I know we had something when we first met.. But it just isn't you. I love you like you're my sister, and I hold no grudge."

Grace's hope held strong, now that she knew Sarah was just a fling, but she could feel the anxiety rising in her.

"Mamrie, there was a spark. On my end, not yours. I don't know if you even ever knew that. But it doesn't matter. You didn't want anything more and honestly, neither did I. I love you like you're my sister, and I hold no grudge."

Mamrie laughed. Leave it to Hannah to use repetitive poetry in her goodbye video.

"But you. Because I _know _you're watching this. I've been in love with you since the moment I saw your golden eyes. You may hate them, but I will always love them. I love them because they remind me of holding your hand in the grass at 2 o'clock in the morning, the stupid smiles that were on our faces… The way they shone in the moonlight and twinkled when you told me all about improv and the videos you'd made with Michelle. Because of the memories they hold and the stories they tell, even when we're both completely silent." she said, tears now in her eyes.

"And because they are yours."

She wiped her eye with a gentle thumb, and continued as best as she could.

"Grace Anne Helbig, I am in love with you. I don't know why I never told you."

The brunette held onto the pillow as tight as she could, never wanting to let go of it.

"Take care of Mags for me. I don't know if I'll be back."

Grace nodded, knowing that it was all she could do for Hannah now.

"You guys," Hannah said, addressing her fans, "I love you to the moon and back. You've been in my life for a long time now, and I'm so sorry this had to end. I'm not sure how long it's been since I made this video… but it still stands. I'll miss you guys. But before I go, there's something I need you all to promise me. Just because this is ending, doesn't mean it's over. Keep trying.. for me."

Hannah pauses.

"Promise?"


End file.
